This book challenges the myth that the nice guys don't succeed. For generations, we have focused on the individual drivers of success: passion, hard work, talent, and luck. But in today’s dramatically reconfigured world, success is increasingly dependent on how we interact with others.
Here, Grant shows how generosity generates its own positive currency when engaged in with discernment.
Three Styles of Social Interaction
Grant’s book, based on several decades of social-science research on reciprocity, divides the world into three categories: what he calls "givers, matchers and takers". These can vary according to context, so people who are givers in their personal life may be takers in business.
- Givers give without expectation of immediate gain; they never seem too busy to help, share credit actively and mentor generously.
- Matchers go through life with a tit for tat list in mind, giving when they can see how they will get something of equal value back and to people who they think can help them.
- Takers seek to come out ahead in every exchange; they manage up and are protective about what they see as their own interests.
Most people surveyed fall into the 'matcher' category — but givers, Grant says, are overrepresented at both ends of the spectrum of success. They are either those seen as pushovers who are not respected and often burn out or they are seen as the successful stars, who are respected for their generosity and energy but not taken for granted.
Assertiveness and Discernment
One key diffferentiator between those givers who succeed and those who are exploited as 'doormats' is the ability to be assertive. Typically, Grant says, those who burn out by doing too much for others and fail to keep up with their own interests are those who are timid and find it difficult to say no.
Assertiveness is a vital skill for those whose giving supports their success - they're able to manage appropriate boundaries and strategies which enable sustainable levels of generosity alongside taking care of their own needs.
Another differentiator is the ability to screen for trustworthiness. Givers tend naturally to trust everybody, and can be stung by takers. Grant says that givers who succeed are those who develop the discernment to recognise cynical takers and moderate their generosity in relation to them.
Efficient versus Selfless Giving
So to be successful, Grant concludes, giving should not be at the cost of others, including the giver. Being too empathetic or selfless does not serve the giver - instead success comes to givers who include their own personal ecology in their giving activity.
"The wise man does not lay up his own treasures. The more he gives to others, the more he has for his own."Lao Tsu