Stop Complainers and Energy Drainers

How to Negotiate Work Drama to Get More Done

People who complain constantly are a drain on resources, time and morale in the workplace as well as inhibiting innovation and growth. Learning how best to work with them and develop a more contribution based culture not only raises energy and spirits, but also increases productivity. In short, it means you get more done with less drama.

This book is based on practical research and focuses on how to identify as well as manage conversations with venters, complainers, whiners, and general energy drainers.

Spot the complainer type - and how to negotiate with them

Swindling identifies 5 types of complainer and offers specific ways to deal with each.

1. Whiners complain by showing disapproval, venting, or withdrawing. They show up as martyrs, spoiled brats, and pouters. They sigh, moan, or act put upon. Whiners want you to hold their hand through life’s challenges and fix their problems. Don’t.
   Instead, negotiate with whiners by listening and empathising for a few minutes and then ask for solutions. For example, “Wow, that must be tough for you. How will you handle that?”
2. Complicators employ complaining tactics that frustrate, complicate, and create confusion. They show up as critics, nitpickers, know-it-alls, and micromanagers. They want to block change. Masters of minutiae, they complain by finding flaws in detail.
   Communicate with complicators by respecting the intellect of their systems, thought processes, or designs. Present change as a logical next step and ask them to contribute. E.g. “Please would you give input on this to make sure it is compatible with your current process?”
3. Prima Donnas complain by seeking attention, gossiping, creating drama, and stirring up trouble. They tend to be brash, excessive, reactionary, and dramatic. They like being in the spotlight and use complaining to serve their need to be heard, admired, and appreciated. Deal with prima donnas by recognising them but avoid getting caught up in their drama. E.g. “What's the best way to present your thinking to get the recognition it deserves?”
4. Controllers use a variety of aggressive complaints in their attempts to control situations and other people. They can show up as tyrants, bullies, slave drivers, and bulldozers, often aggressive, impatient and intimidating. Controllers want you to yield to their authority and will run over you if you let them. Communicate with controllers by standing your ground. Be assertive and confident but not antagonistic. Let them know you are aware of problems and, if possible, let them decide the next direction. E.g. “The client can’t provide the information you need until midday. Do you want to discuss our next steps at three today or first thing tomorrow?”
5. Toxics are dangerous individuals who use complaints and misinformation to manipulate and poison the environment to further their narcissictic agendas. They are deceitful, ruthless, and can adapt their behaviour to please management while tormenting colleagues and direct reports. Toxics want to charm and disarm you to further their personal agendas. They are self-absorbed egotists who are hazardous to your health. The author says the best way to deal with toxics is by reminding yourself that you are a rational person. Document actions and be cautious. If toxics think you are plotting against them, they may attempt to retaliate and harm your professional reputation. Acknowledge a toxic’s comments to you, for example saying, “Thank you for your observation. I will do my best to change my approach. Please let me know if you become aware of it again or see anything else.” Then, find a way to escape working with them if possible.

Not all complaining is counter-productive

Sometimes, however, complaining can be useful, especially when it is communicated in a constructive way. So listen for the underlying positive intention and do your best to reframe the complaint as feedback. Encourage others to complain effectively, offering solutions rather than just focusing on what's wrong.

"What we need to do is always lean into the future;
when the world changes around you and when it changes against you -
what used to be a tail wind is now a head wind - you have to lean into that
and figure out what to do, because complaining isn't a strategy."