"Change is hard", "People don't really change anyway", "You can't make a leopard change its spots" - we're all familiar with these sorts of statements and probably feel that there's truth in them.
And yet.... people DO change. You yourself have changed and you've witnessed others change too. The key to making change possible is finding ways to melt the resistance to change.
Resistance to change
Kegan and Lahey identify various causes of resistance to change - factors that tend to sabotage our ability to change even when we really want to do so. One of the most common is conflicting commitments.
"Icebergs"
Icebergs are powerful beliefs we hold about the way the world is or should be that powerfully influence us outside of our in-the-moment awareness.
Professors Kegan and Lahey note that your deep beliefs often gain power from being part of your immunity system, causing you to behave in ways that protect you from some perceived danger. You find you are unable to follow through on commitments that go against your hidden "iceberg" belief because you fear the consequences, even if you don't make the connection consciously. So, when you make a commitment to a new, desired behaviour, you are often just as puzzled as anyone else when you repeatedly fail to follow through.
Use emotions as an information system
The book suggests curiosity and mindfulness as ways to start to uncover such underlying beliefs. By paying close attention to the emotions that arise for you when you consider acting according to the change you want, you may well notice feelings of anxiety or discomfort.
As with detecting icebergs, Kegan and Lahey suggest that you will know when you have identified the truly powerful competing commitment by the strength of feeling that you are at risk and unprotected from something dangerous or threatening, even if you don't really know why.
Finding a way forward to safety
The secret to moving forward and embracing change is to understand how the "big assumptions" support our sense of self and security. We can then start to imagine a different set of assumptions that would allow for a bigger, more complex self that could function in accordance with our new commitment and still be safe.
Other people matter
Finally, Kegan and Lahey note that groups can have immunity systems that operate in similar ways, generating protective behaviours that undermine new commitments to more productive ways of being. Not only can groups work through this process, but by sharing with one another their competing commitments and big assumptions, individuals can support each other as they work toward change.
In summary
Change is hard when you feel it puts you at risk. Change can be exhilarating when it moves you in relative safety toward a more complex and capable sense of self. Uncovering and respecting your underlying big assumptions and then incorporating new updated ones removes resistance and supports the change you desire.
"Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof."John Kenneth Galbraith