The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential
Before people decide what they think of your message, say the authors, they decide what they think of YOU. And analysis as to how that appraisal is made is the subject of this book.
The core message is that when we decide how we feel about someone, we are primarily making an immediate and powerful judgement about two critical factors: their strength and their warmth.
Strength - the root of respect
Strength gets things done. People who project it get attention, partly because we need to know if they will use it to help us or to harm us. Effective people not only have strength but also the will to use it to achieve their objectives. So the strength judgement is about a person's competence and will to use it - "does this person matter?", "will they affect my world?", "do I need to take them seriously?".
Warmth - the root of affection
Warmth, on the other hand, is what people feel when they share interests and concerns. The warmth judgement considers the person's intentions - "are we on the same team?", "do we see things the same way?", "am I safe with them?". When people project warmth, we like them.
Finding the balance - 'the happy warrior'
Strength and warmth are in direct tension. Behaviour that boosts one tends to reduce the other. However, finding an effective balance is possible, say the authors, largely by paying attention to the fine details of body language. In such people - 'happy warriors' - their behaviour is not relaxed but they are relaxed emotionally. Some practical tips to achieve this perception are:
- Smile, and mean it
- Tilt your head slightly
- Keep hand gestures open
- Stand tall but not rigid
- Balance slightly towards one hip
- Validate feelings of others
- Maximise the physical space you occupy, irrespective of your size
"Stand up straight and realize who you are, that you tower over your circumstances."Maya Angelou