Subtitled 'Achieving success at work or in life, one conversation at a time', this book defines a 'fierce conversation' as one where we come out from behind ourselves, into the conversation, and make it real.

"When you think of a fierce conversation, think passion, integrity, authenticity, collaboration. Think cultural transformation. Think of leadership."

One conversation at a time

The underlying premise for the book is that what gets talked about in an organisation and how it gets talked about determines what will happen. Or won't.

Scott shares her realisation that work, relationships, even life itself, succeed or fail gradually, then suddenly, one conversation at a time. She goes on to say that, while no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a business, a career or a life - any single conversation can.

Difficult conversations - the seven principles

Scott's book offers seven basic principles to organise one's thinking about difficult conversations:

1. Master the courage to interrogate reality: No plan survives its collision with reality, and reality changes all the time. Markets and economies change and require a shift in strategy. People change and forget to tell each other. We are all changing all the time and sometimes don't notice it, even for ourselves. The author notes the military's notion of the distinction between "ground truth" and "official truth." How might these distinctions be useful in the situations you are dealing with?
2. Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real: In other words, be fully yourself and real rather than adopting an artificial persona. Scott notes that, "when the conversation is real, the change happens before the conversation is over." In our hearts we know when conversations are superficial and disingenuous as opposed to deep and authentic. Unreal conversations are expensive, for the individual and for the organisation. Scott urges that you will achieve your goals in large part by making every conversation you have as real as possible.
3. Be here, prepared to be nowhere else: "Participate as if it matters, since it does," Scott writes. Speak and listen as if this is the most important conversation you will ever have with this person. It could be. What would it be like if we made protected time for serious conversations, uninterrupted by bells and BlackBerries?
4. Tackle your toughest challenge today: Burnout often comes from not naming and solving a problem - from trying to solve the same problem over and over again. Could you, after reading this, find a colleague with whom to compare notes about "our toughest challenges here." Perhaps the distaste for meetings (why we so often say they are boring or a waste of time) is because too many meetings try to avoid the tough - and meaningful - conversations.
5. Obey your instincts: Malcolm Gladwell, in his book Blink, encourages us to pay more attention to what our gut tells us, especially when we're feeling guilty about neglecting to do or say something. Here, Scott says don't just trust your instincts - obey them. Your radar screen works perfectly; it's the operator who is in question! Tune in, pay attention and share these thoughts with others.
6. Take responsibility for your emotional wake: Since, for leaders, conversation is the relationship, there is no such thing as a trivial comment. Everything leaders say has an impact. The more open you are as a leader to feedback, the more you can understand how what you say actually plays out in the organisation - enabling you to deliver the message you want with clarity, conviction and compassion.
7. Let silence do the heavy lifting: Memorable conversations include breathing space. We tend to be uncomfortable with pauses and often too quick to fill them.
   Slow down the conversation so that insight can occur in the space between words and you can discover what the conversation really wants and needs to be about.

"Let your intelligence begin to rule
Whenever you sit with others
Using this sane idea:
Leave all your cocked guns in a field,
Far from us.
One of those damned things
Might go
Off."